She Wolf
by portionss-forfoxes
Summary: Leah is on patrol when she hears a certain Shakira song begin to play...No one can predict the events that unfold. Blackwater. Rated for language and some angst.
1. The One with She Wolf

**Hey y'all, I wrote this a while back when I became obsessed with Blackwater. A few notifications: Don't read if you like Bella. Yes, I know the beginning's not that great but get into it and it's all right. And yeah, Emmett and Jasper are out of character but who cares? I wanted to have a little fun. So anyway, read and pleeeease review! Thanks!**

Leah was on patrol when she heard the first notes of _that song_ blazing through the morning air.

She stopped in her tracks (literally, because she was in wolf form) and slowly turned toward the Cullen house. That's where it was coming from. _That's _where that goddamned music was coming from.

Leah had always hated the song 'She wolf.'

Slowly, deliberately, she morphed back into a human and dressed calmly. Never in a million years she would enter the bloodsuckers' house of her own will, but now was not the time for such dwellings.

She emerged from the forest with her head held high, as the music grew louder. Stomping up the Cullens' front steps, she flung open the front door, nearly knocking it off its hinges. Before her eyes wwas the Cullen living room, occupied by bella, Edward, their mutant spawn, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and Jacob.

When they saw her, everyone froze as the song's bass came into play. Bella held hands with Renesmee, looking like they were dancing, and Jacob had been watching them, a smile now frozen on his face as he stared at Leah.

Anger was coursing through Leah's veins, hot down her legs and burning in her belly. This was not the animal rage that sent shivers down her back, but a different, purely _human _type of anger.

"Who," she said, low and menacingly, "is playing _that song_?"

She knew it would be Jacob who answered, because she would just ignore the leeches if they spoke. He had one of two choices: a) stammer and stumble in mortal fear until turning off the music under the worst of Lea's deathly glares or b) the second, which, if not carried out correctly, could result in him gratefully welcoming a very painful death.

Jacob chose b) tease her.

A playful smile crossed his lips as the chorus of voices began to sing the intro.

"Oh, it's _She Wolf. _You know, Shakira," Jacob said. "Maybe you should sing along, Lee."

Leah's hands clenched into fists at her sides.

"_No_," she enunciated fearsomely, and turned to leave.

"Come on," Jacob said, casually stepping toward her, a challenge in his walk. He paused. Except for the voices on the CD, everyone was silent and waiting. "You scared?" he said, quiet and intensely.

Leah stopped. Turned. Just as the voices began to sing the last line, she said, "Scared...? I'll show you scared." She stared mischievously at him a moment longer, and then began to sing.

_A domesticated girl_

_That's all you ask of me_

_Darling, this is no joke_

_This is lycanthropy_

Dancing around the living room, she felt like an absolute idiot. But suddenly she remembered her younger days (or nights), when she used to dance her ass of at the rez club with Sam, shaking her hips and twisting and turning her body this way and that so that all eyes in the club were on her. Jacob used to go to the club, too, in his pre-Bella days, when he was a player. Still, being four years older than him, she was _way _out of his league. She was out of _everyone's _league back then; not that that kept them from having massive crushes on her. Anyway, she used to be so good at the dirty type of dancing she'd gotten offers from pimps to go into the 'exotic' business....And the way Jacob couldn't keep his eyes off her, she could tell she still got it.

_Ha! _she thought when she saw Emmett's and Jasper's eyes on her backside. Even vampires couldn't resist a good Quilleute ass.

_There's a She Wolf in the closet_

_Open up and set her free_

_There's a she Wolf in the closet_

_Let it out so it can breathe._

As she sang, she pulled Jacob into her arms and began to dance so maliciously sexy all around him she could have been a stripper; all, of course, to annoy him. Everyone in the room was just staring at her, still unmoving, shocked into a dazed state. God, they were looking at her like she had just announced she had two vaginas, or something.

Then Jacob did something that stunned Leah into utter silence. It was exactly the last thing on the list of Leah's Ideas of What Jacob Would Do. Of course he was her friend; though she would never say it out loud. She was his Beta, and he her Alpha. He used to be petrified of her and what she would do to him if he stepped one toe over the line. She was the biggest asshole he'd ever known, and he often reminded her of this fact. But after he'd gotten to know her some, he started to tease her a bit, pushing the envelope to see how far he could go, always with that malevolent half-smile. It had been that way for five years.

But this was beyond...it was just _beyond_. And he did it all as a joke, of course, to annoy her.

He grabbed her ass.

That's right.

He grabbed. Her. Ass.

Leah was too shocked to do anything but smack him and run away playfully, but he just chased her, all the while dancing. Leah knew he could see the reluctant smile tugging at her lips.

She danced throughout the whole song with Jacob, feeling like someone she used to be, a happier person, only better, smarter, faster, stronger, sexier. The model-body thing with werewolves didn't just work on the boys--she, too, had a flat, muscled stomach and incredible body. Haha.

The song ended, and Leah threw her leg over Jacob's outer thigh. Jacob caught it and held it there. They both stood, just panting and sweating for a second, and then broke down into uncontrollable laughter.

As the laughter subsided, the met each others' eyes.

And as she looked at Jacob's smile, she could see the old Jacob. His smile was not Bella's full-on, perpetually happy grin. It was something different, a boy from even further back, pre-Bella days. It was the smile of the boy who used to pick her flowers when he was seven, who used to send countless Valentine's cards to her with her friends. It was the smile of a gangly pubescent teen who got a glare from am when he stared at her chest as she walked by. It was the mischievous half-smile of a boy who dunked heads with Quil and Embry at the rez pool and then all three stopped to whistle at her when she came by in her yellow polka-dot bikini. It was _that _Jacob Black, who made the best dream-catchers and wove the best bracelets. One of the innumerable Quileute boys who knew she was way out of his league, yet couldn't help crushing on her for her model body and perfect features.

Yet Leah knew that it was not just good looks that had drawn boys to her from an early age. Leah knew what Jacob was seeing on her face.

It was that girl, that sexy girl with the playful, come-hither smile on her lips, the one who used to painfully tease boys when they handed her flowers, all the while with a smile on her face. The girl who used to write sarcastic, yet sincere thank-you notes for all the Valentines she got. The one who would tell you, "I'm up here!" when you were having a conversation with her chest. The girl who would be mean jokingly, then hug you reluctantly afterwards. The girl who boys loved because she was sassy, sexy and (sometimes) sweet at the same time.

And a half-smile was playing at Jacob's lips while his eyes danced. And he looked like he was going to kiss her.

A million thoughts ran through Leah's head. Was he going to kiss her? Did she _want _him to kiss her? Had he fallen for her? Had she already fallen for him? Or was she falling for him now, all at once in this one moment? Would it last?

Five years ago, she never would've _dreamed _this would happen. It had been years since those summer days in a polka-dot bikini at the rez pool, and things were different now, _she _was different, and Jacob was, too. It was as if he had snuck up on her, and now suddenly he was so totally _in _her league. He was as old as her, in body and in mind. And he was damn hot, in more than one way. And she was hot too, might she say so herself.

But through all these thoughts, one penetrated: Renesmee. Renesmee was the girl who would grow up to be even more beautiful than Leah. The girl who would grow to have silky white skin and a sleek neck and legs so long she would be almost as tall as Jacob. She would have red lips and manageable boobs and a tiny ass and hair the chocolate brown color her mother's eyes had once been. She would be the girl with eyes forever young, untouched by sorrow. _She _would never be broken.

And it wasn't fair. No matter how hard Leah tried, she would never prevail. Though this moment may belong to her, the years and the future belonged to Renesmee, and soon these few fleeting seconds would turn to dust, overshadowed by something much larger. If she kissed him now, the only thing that would happen would be a falling, a breaking-down of the walls around her broken heart she had so carefully built; the bitch façade she put on every day would be uncovered, and she would be revealed, vulnerable and broken, to the world. She'd had enough pain over an imprinted man to last her two lifetimes, and a part of her would never get over Sam, just like a part of Jacob would never get over Bella. She wasn't going to stand by and watch as her world crumbled on her shoulders for the millionth time. Though Jacob's reborn smile may belong to her, his heart would forever belong to someone else.

It wasn't fair. No matter how hard Leah fought, she could never win.

Jacob was leaning toward her now, his eyes fluttering closed, his loveable face relaxed and looking more at ease than it had for years. It was as if he belonged here, without the stress of something forced on him; this was something he _wanted_. Renesmee was like a cult he wanted to break away from, but loved so much he couldn't. Leah was a choice, but he would only choose her for as long as it took for her to fall madly in love with, and then he would leave her. Leave her for the beautiful girl with the untouched eyes. The one who would never—could never—feel pain.

And so she turned away, pulling her leg from his grip, his scorching hands still around her waist. A great pang rose in her chest, and a twist formed in her throat as she forced herself not to cry. A silent tear rolled down her cheek, and as Leah could think of nothing to say, she said the only two words that would come out, the two words she had refused to say to anyone for so many years, because to her it meant showing how ripped and blackened she felt her soul was.

"I'm sorry."

She would not look at Jacob's face, because she knew what she would find there. And she wouldn't--couldn't--see his crushed and injured eyes, his beautiful features darkened by hurt. She knew that it would only make it harder, that he had wanted it that badly, that he came so close, that she came so close, that _together _they came so close. Seeing him like that would only make her want to smooth the creases in his forehead away with her fingers, kiss the smile back into his lips. But she couldn't. She would not hurt herself again.

Leah turned to leave, and felt ten pairs of eyes on her back, nine of which were relieved to see her go. All but one pair of coal black eyes.

_There is no triumph without _trial, Leah thought as she closed the front door silently behind her_. Trials make the heart grow _stronger. Trials made two people grow stronger, too; draw closer to each other_. So how_, thought Leah_, will Jacob and Renesmee ever grow stronger if she is protected from everything that could touch her? How_?, she thought_, if Renesmee is forever young_?

_There is no happiness without sorrow_. Leah had the sorrow part of the equation down pat.

So when would Leah's happiness come?


	2. The One Where They Both Run

Jacob stood in the living room, watching her go and feeling like he had just spun in a doze different directions for a thousand years, and now was in a nauseous, dizzy state.

In that moemnt that she was staring at him, and he at her, the bitch facade just melted away. Jacob knew how hard she tried to shield herself by acting cruelly; but for a second, he had seen the old Leah. Before werewolves or vampires or Jacob imprinting or her dad dying or Sam imprinting--before Bella. There was a different Leah, who flirted with boys who knew she was way out of their league, practically causing them to erupt when she bent over to pick something up. The old Leah who teased Sam by telling him he was just a fling, but they could all see that was bullshit in the way she smiled at him and brushed the hair affectionately from his eyes. And they could see that Sam was deathly in love with her by the way he would pick her up while she laughed and squealed for him to put her down--but he just swung her around with a dopey grin on his face for the whole world to see that she was _his _and they'd damn well better not try to steal her away.

And it wasn't just her boobs and her hips and her butt that made Jacob, Quil, Embry and all the other boys want her. They wanted her to tease them, to smile that mischievous smile at them, to brush the hair from _their _forehead with her eyes glowing. They hadn't wanted lips and tits and hips. They had wanted _Leah_. _Jacob _had wanted Leah. And now suddenly, in one big, falling, clumsy moment, he wanted her again. He was falling for her again, all with that old smile.

But it wasn't just the old Leah he was falling for. Jacob knew she would never be that Old Leah again--she was too guarded to let herself go like that. Jacob was falling for the new Leah, the one who was so bipolar she kept him on the edge of his seat, unable to predict what would happen next. She was like a soap opera; you hate it but you can't stop watching. He was falling for the new Leah, who could keep his brain scrambling for an insult; they were forever getting into arguments that they hadn't wanted to be fun but it turned out that way anyway. The new Leah, with so much sadness in her eyes, buried deep, hidden by forced anger and resentment. It hurt to look at her eyes, for only _he _could see the brokenness that lay beneath. Sometimes he wished she would just close her eyes forever.

Jacob was falling--had fallen--for the new Leah. His Beta. His friend (sometimes).

"Well, thank goodness she's gone," he heard a voice say, and he turned to see Bella with a truly bitchy look on her face. He snapped out of a haze right then, meeting the eyes of each of the people there. They were all relieved, happy, to see Leah go.

What bitches.

Suddenly an overwhelming smell reached his nostrils, a disgustingly sweet scent that burned inside his nose. He was aware, all of the sudden, of how much he hated each of this individuals. Partly because they were vampires--and Jacob remembered that he hated vampires--and partly because they were just weird and twisted beings in and of themselves.

All but Renesmee.

He looked at her and his heart melted. He still loved her. You couldn't break an imprint. And just as he was about to walk toward her--everything would be all right, then, wouldn't it?--he stopped.

Anyone else would have just let her go, accepted the imprint, went back to Renesmee and embraced her and ignored the repulsing smell her family members emitted. Anyone else. Especially Sam.

But Jacob was not like anyone else. He was not one to leave things unfinished.

"I have to go," Jacob said deeply, out of the blue. Everyone stared at him incredulously. Edward could read his thoughts; Edward knew what he was going to do. He took a step towards Jacob, and was that anger flashing in his eyes? He grabbed Jacob's arm.

"Don't," he said menacingly.

Jacob just stared at Edward's arm until he shrank back sheepishly. It was then that Jacob realized he never even liked Edward all that much.

"I'll see you later," he said coldly, and met everyone's gaze, slowly, one at a time, his eyes cutting daggers into all of theirs'.

Then he ran from the living room, calling Leah's name before he was even out the door.

_What's that song?_, he thought as he ran, his blood racing and his thoughts taking on a positive, even cocky attitude. _That song that describes Leah perfectly? Rachel dances around the house to Christina Aguilera all the time. What is it? Oh, yeah; "Keeps Gettin' Better." How does it go again?_

_Oh, yeah, _Jacob thought as he ran.

_Somedays I'm a super bitch_

_Up to my own tricks_

_But it won't last forever_

_Next day I'm your Supergirl_

_Out to save the world_

_And it keeps gettin' better..._

* * *

Leah fled the house, the tears now flowing rapidly and uncontrollably. She tried to phase, to find the anger and resentment that would change her, that was so readily at her fingertips for the past six years. But she couldn't. She reached inside herself, trying to find fury, but could only find a hopeless, bottomless lake of sadness.

There was no going back now. They could not be friends anymore after what had happened. The situation felt familiar. Leah spit out a bitter laugh, stumbling into the forest and nearly running into a tree because of her blurry vision.

_And the universe must think I slept with its boyfriend or something_, thought Leah, hearing her name called out behind her, _because it just keeps going out of its way to screw me over._

"Leah! Leah, wait!" Jacob yelled, and Leah tried to run faster, but it was hard seeing as she was sobbing and her brain just couldn't focus.

He grabbed her arm forcefully, causing her to lurch to a stop. He yanked her body to face him, but she turned her head away, pulling her torso so that if he let go she would topple over. She didn't care.

"Leah," he said, softer, "What is going on?"

"I don't know," she snapped. "Maybe you should ask your penis." She kept her head away, her teary eyes dotting the leaves on the ground at their bare feet.

"C'mon," he pleaded. "Don't be like that."

"Be like what?" she said emotionlessly. "This is me, Jacob. I'm not pretending to be a bitch; I am one."

"No, you're not," he answered. "Just tell me what's going on in your head."

Sighing, she turned to face him. "I'll tell you what's running through my mind. I think I fucking just fell for you, that's what. And you don't even fucking care; you just want to fuck me and leave me." She turned her back to him and crossed her arms over her chest rather childishly.

"Leah," he said, tugging at her arm, but this time Leah was ready, and she held her ground. He sighed and then spoke to the back of her head. "It's not like that. It's not all sexual." He paused. "I mean, you gotta admit, it's got something to do with sex, 'cause just look at you, Leah--"

Leah stomped on his toes backward. She silently thanked God for good hand-foot coordination.

"But anyway," Jacob said when he was done yelping in pain. "There's a slight possibility of a definite maybe...that I...have just...fallen for you, too," he finished awkwardly.

Leah just _Hmph'd_! Still she kept her back to him.

But even without looking at him, she could feel the mood changing, becoming heavier. She could tell from the way he sighed a lot, and she could hear leaves moving under shuffling feet. When he spoke again his voice was somber, with a twinge of sadness, of wistfulness.

"But we can't," he said, "be together." Like she hadn't already figured that out. "Because of Renesmee," he added. _Duh_! Leah thought. "I wish I could, but I have no choice."

That was when Leah whirled on him, anger flashing in her eyes.

* * *

She turned around suddenly then, startling Jacob so he nearly toppled over. But something was wrong. Her eyes were filled with an utter loathing, of pure, unadulterated rage.

"Don't you dare," she said hotly, "tell me that you had no choice. There is _always_ a choice. You think Bella didn't have to make a decision? Wrong! She chose all right, and she chose _him." _A pang rose in Jacob's chest. It wasn't fair of her to bring up Bella. "You think Sam didn't have a choice? He damn well had a choice, and we both know it." Hurt was evident in her eyes, laced around the fury. "You must _always _choose," Leah screamed at him, advancing on him so he backed away from her, "between love and a greater force, between what is good for you and what is so perfect it blinds you, blotting out the sun." Leah stopped them, her face settling into something Jacob couldn't place.

"Sam chose," she whispered. "Bella chose," she said. "And _you _chose."

It was the way she said it, past-tense, like something dark and smoky in the wind, some horrible event in history that could not be fixed, that bothered him.

"I'm..." Jacob said, but he didn't know what to follow up with, other than _sorry, sorry, sorry _for a thousand years, crying tears that would never cease as he knelt at Leah's feet.

"This situation is familiar, isn't it, Jake?" Leah said, softer now, the madness starting to fade from her lips. "It seems like years ago, doesn't it; when I was you and you were Bella?" Jacob was speechless, his mind racing so fast he had no coherent thoughts.

Leah's eyes were soft, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, as if they were in a silent slowdance. She was so bipolar--on emoment she was screaming her head off at him, and the next she was so close it was like a fire burning between them.

"It happened to you once," Leah said. "But it keeps happening to me, over and over and over again." She said it casually, almost like they were having an everyday conversation. As if she were talking about the weather. "And even though you love Renesmee now...you know that Bella made a choice." Jacob's stomach churned, because he knew what was coming next. "And you know that she chose," Leah said, "_wrong_."

That was when she met his eyes, and hers glazed over, as cold as a vampire's. Jacob wanted to warm her, even when she was already 108 degrees. It wasn't fair for everyone he knew to have eyes like that.

"So give me any excuse," Leah said blankly. "Tell me I'm ugly or I'm too bipolar or you have erectile dysfunction. But don't you _dare_," she told him icily, "tell me that you don't have a choice."

And that's when the words just came tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Leah, I love you."

She narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing his entirely sincere face. And for one second, Jacob swoere he saw a flicker of hope there. Then she frowned and her face clouded over. "You're an asshole," she said. "Goodbye forever, Black." And with that she turned on her heel and began to walk swiftly away.

And that was when it was Jacob's turn to get angry.

"You're the world's biggest bitch!" he shouted after her.

She stopped. Turned. A bitter smile was on her lips as she said,

"As if I didn't already know that."

And then she was gone forever.


	3. The One With Waitresses

As the years went by, Leah found that her life as a nomad was not as depressing as she would've thought it to be. She ran across America, stopping in small towns or big cities, getting a job and maybe staying for six months or so. At night she would run in wolf form in private, usually in the woods or along a riverside, or if she was in a big city, she would go just outside of town. Sometimes she liked her job--being a waitress or a receptionist was pretty fun--and sometimes she didn't--being a cashier or a call girl was a drag. (The call girl thing didn't last long, but she did make a buttload of cash for a while there).

Sometimes Leah made friends or acquaintances, people to go out for dinner or a drink with. And outside of La Push, every man fell at her feet once again. That was usually when she had to leave, was when a man told her how he had fallen in love with her (even though she knew when they said they loved her 'huge personality,' personality was code for 'ass'), 'cause that's when things started to get sticky. And it was funny how easy it was to fall in love with her; she didn't _have _to be a bitch outside of La Push because nobody knew she had anything to hide. She just had to be a bit snippity every once in a while to keep her guard up. Leah never made any close friends--nothing to tie her down. It was in her blood to run, and she accepted that as a fact of life.

Leah thought briefly about settling down in one place or another, but knew she could never do it. Settling down meant making deep connections with people, maybe even the dreaded _relationships_, and Leah knew somewhere inside that after Sam and Jacob, she could never let herself love again even if she'd wanted to.

And what sucked the most was that she _still _loved Jacob. Even though she hated him with the fire of a thousand suns.

It was a strnagely distant type of life, like she was watching a particularly uneventful movie. It was not altogether unpleasant, just...vague. All the people and places blurred together, insignificant, because she'd never really loved any of them.

And it was odd that no matter how many places she went, how much she enjoyed tiny Murray, Utah or had fun clubbing with some gal pals in Miami, she would never stay. Because Leah knew where her home was, would always be. And she couldn't change that.

It had been nearly three and a half years since she'd left Washington.

At night when Leah's fur strained against the wind and the moon lit up the ground beneath her, she wondered why she continued to do this. She'd decided years ago that she was going to quit being wolf as soon as possible; and she'd believed it for the rest of her life. But now she couldn't seem to even _try _not to phase, even if she'd wanted to. Leah wondered why.

She told herself it was because it let her unwind, be free for the night. Sometimes she even went so far as to let herself believe it was because it made her feel tied, somehow, to a tribe she'd abandoned forever ago.

But deep down inside, Leah knew th reasl reason. It was hope. Hope that no matter how she dreaded it, she would hear his voice in her thoughts, teasing her or calling out her name. Hope that what he'd said was true, that maybe he _did _love her, love Leah Clearwater.

Then her thoughts clouded over, and her feet pounded, and she became wholly wolf.

Still...at the back of her brain, an annoying, frustrating, sorrowful, inescapable thought remiained.

It was that someday--maybe even soon--she would have to go back.

* * *

"How much ya got, Leah?" Kenzie said, sliding into the stool and resting her chin in her hand.

Leah pulled herself up so she was sitting criss-cross applesauce on the counter. Her boss would kill her if he saw her doing this, but was her boss here? That would be a no. She reached into her Lenny's Diner apron pocket and pulled out a wad of cash.

"Ten, twenty, thirty, thirty-five...," Leah counted, slamming the wrinkled green bills on the table. "Seventy-five."

"_Damn_, girl," said Kenzie. "They sure do tip the pretty girls. I got thirty."

"That's pretty good. But you ain't got nothin' on me, Kenz." Leah grinned tauntingly and shook her head.

Kenzie gave Leah a Significant Look. Kenzie had pretty, thick dark brown-almost-black hair that she braided into a thousand tiny braids with beads. It took a full four hours to get it all done--Leah knew 'cause she'd helped her do it once on a slow day. Her skin was smooth and dark chocolate-y and her eyes were large enough to throw you off in proportion to the rest of her face. She had a funny-looking nose, thin and slightly tilted from when she had a gang-banger boyfriend who beat up on her, but Kenzie didn't take crap so when he popped her in the nose she popped him one right back and left him right then and there. Kenzie did have a cool voice, with a heavy "black" accent. Leah always suspected Kenz liked to play up her black-ness more than she actually was.

"You wanna come out for a drink tonight? Maybe hit a club?" She eyed Leah. "Girl, you look like you could use some _unwindin' _if you know what I mean, huuuuhhhh?" She shook her hips playfully, grinning suggestively at Leah. Little did sh eknow Leah had her own particular brand of "unwinding."

"Nah, not tonight. I'm beat."

Kenzie shrugged. "A'ight, whatever. Eduardo!" she called loudly into the kitchen. "You closin' tonight?"

"Ci, ci!" came Eduardo's reply.

"A'ight, see y'all later," Kenzie said, gathering up her coat and keys. The diner door jingled as it banged shut behind her.

"Adios, Eduardo!" Leah called, snagging a pastry from the display. The Boss would never notice.

"Adios, Leah!" Eduardo called back as Leah sank her teeth into the yummy dessert and opened the door.

Leah stepped out into the Boise night air. It was early March, forty-five degrees and windy, but Leah did not feel the slightest bit cold. She looked at the sky, the stars strating to come out, and then back at the pastry in her hand with one dainty bite taken out of it. Leah shrugged internally and downed it in one bite--after all, she was a werewolf.

Leah felt a twinge at the word, but still she grinned. She couldn't help feeling the tiniest bit...cocky. She wasn't quite sure why. But Leah had always been cocky.

Taking off at a brisk jog that would've been a sprint for a normal person, she headed west down the road. She was pretty sure there was a patch of woods just outside of town. Or maybe she could run through those country club golf courses uptown...boy, would that scare the shit out of the rich suckers!

And then she was in the woods in what seemed like a blink, running faster and faster and faster, her pulse getting higher and higher, her emotions climaxing, her body quavering until--_BOOM! _She was wolf.

This only allowed her to run faster, harder, stronger. She felt pretty damn good, even arrogant, like maybe she could go so far as to brag to someone about being a wolf. That was a first.

But something was bothering her.

For some reason her subconscious was asking her what date it was. _What does it matter what date it is?_ Leah thought, but still that little voice nagged her.

_Let's see; It's Friday and Monday was Eduardo's birthday on the...um...4th, which means today is the 8th. March 8th._

And then it hit her. _Oh, God_.

Leah screeched to a halt and took off running in the opposite direction. She had no idea why, but for some reason she was going to do this thing which she had not done in nearly nine years. She had no idea why this mattered, for time held no meaning for her anymore. But she couldn't go another year without doing this. She couldn't make it a whole decade. And so she was headed home.

Because it had been nine years ago today that her father had died. And she was going to lay flowers on his grave.


	4. The One With Sam's Memories

**Hey! Sorry about the repeat chapter. Here's the real thing. And thank you thank you thank you for all your reviews! Review this one too!!  
**

Time passed quickly for Jacob after Leah left, but of course, that didn't mean anything. He was seventeen forever, and he had all the time in the world. It had just never seemed that way until Leah left, and Jacob wasn't entirely sure he liked it. There was something that felt so..._human _about being with Leah. Of course Jacob realized Leah wasn't really the poster girl for being human, but still, she just felt real. Like a real person, who said and did human things. Someone who wasn't always ranting and raving about 'eternal commitment' and saying 'You are the only one who will ever touch my heart' and 'Sleep, my only love' and shit like that. Not everything had to be fate or destiny with her--she could laugh or joke (if she wasn't being too moody) or have a summer fling or a one-night stand. She didn't have to always be so damn _serious. _And something about that made time have meaning, made Jacob feel normal.

But she was gone now. At first, it had hurt. It still kind of stung when he thought about her. But his life had fallen into a new type of rhythm, albeit not as fun. He took classes at the community college during the day, visited Renesmee at the Cullens' during the evenings (though he still couldn't shake his awareness of that disgusting scent) and patrolled for most of the night. The two packs had conjoined after Leah left, with Jacob as the Alpha, so he had a lot on his plate. Not to mention he still pretty much hated his imprint's father because he was a douchebag, and feelings like that were hard to hide, especially when _the man could fucking read your thoughts_!

Anyway, Jacob missed her--though not her mood swings--but his life was different now. He spent most of his weekends and freetime with Renesmee, but occasionally with Quil and Embry.

Ugh. The thing that sucked most about being in one huge pack nowadays was that suddenly you had, like, _ten _people reading your thoughts instead of just two. And on some subconscious level, Jacob was eager for more images and memories of Leah. So without even wanting to, his brain accidentally reached out for Sam's, knowing _Sam _would have plenty of memories. And try as he might, Sam couldn't suppress those, erm,_ bittersweet _memories. It was obvious he, too, still had feelings for Leah, though his imprint, like Jacob's, masked it. It just hurt to see those images of Leah, some with her clothes on, some not. It hurt for Jacob because it hurt for Sam, and vice versa, and suddenly the whole pack was moaning. Jacob was jealous of Sam, that he had seen parts of Leah that Jacob never had (for example, the naked parts); it hurt that Leah had belonged to Sam, once, and she never had to Jacob and never would. She would never belong to anyone--she was wild.

And Jacob was only too aware of Renesmee coming up on seventeen--well, in reality she was coming up on eight and a half, but she would be seventeen in body and mind. She had left to spend a year studying abroad, and the older she got, the slower she grew, so that wasn't too much of an issue. Of course, her overprotective parents had practically had an aneurism when she first told them she wanted to go to Spain, but that girl was very persuasive, and they soon relented. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt Jacob as much as he'd thought it would to have her away. They sent e-mails and letters as much as possible, and he'd visited her a couple of times.

She was coming back soon. And Jacob knew that then it would only be a matter of time...

**A/N: One last thing - jacobblackismineduh; thank you for reviewing (i luv ya!)!! you said you hated the ending but i wasn't clear on if you hated the ending of the whole story or just a certain chapter...could you clarify? thanks. lots o' luv 2 ya!**


	5. The One With Ugly Betty and HaagenDaas

At 8:30PM on March 8th, Jacob sat in the living room with a carton of Haagen-Daas watching TV. It was a Friday, and he was feeling particularly aware that he had no life. It was singularly depressing that he was actually looking forward to watching **Ugly Betty **at nine o' clock. The thought of this made him want to plunge a dagger through his heart, but then he wouldn't get to see if Daniel finally made out with new-and-pretty Betty.

Jacob chuckled. If Renesmee was here...well, if Nessie were here he'd probably be doing exactly this. _Well, eternity of Friday nights on the couch with Nessie and Ugly Betty, here I come!_ Jacob thought sarcastically.

Then the inevitable thought came: What would he be doing if _Leah_ were here? He'd probably be out clubbing, having a blast getting trashed or wasted or running naked through the forest by themselves without the rest of the pack. Seth had replaced her as "Beta," but that usually only happened in a Quileute pack when a member died or made a huge mistake or wasn't "the heir." So it still felt kind of weird for everyone, like they were having a substitute teacher...permanently.

Jacob sighed. Nice life.

Just then Rachel and Paul burst through the front door, and Jacob heard Rachel's giggles and Paul's deep voice rumbling god-knew-what in her ear. Jacob could not have been more opposed to the most irritating man on the planet imprinting on his sister.

They stumbled into the living room, faces glowing and clearly buzzed from expensive wine and lots of spinny dancing. When Rachel caught sight of Jacob it was like he was Billy, catching her making out with a boy past curfew.

"I do not even want to know," Jacob grumbled, reluctantly getting up off the couch. So much for **Ugly Betty**. Dammit. "Don't worry, I'm outta your hair."

Rachel's smile returned. "Thanks, Jake," she said, and the last thing he heard was their happy voices, flopping down on the couch before he shut the front door behind him.

For a moment it was silent, and Jacob sighed as he looked out across the dark, lonely street; one street lamp flickered, casting dancing shadows on the road, then died.

"Hello," a voice said, and Jacob jumped, gasped, and dropped the ice cream he still held in his hand. Dammit!--that was Mango Sorbet!

Then she stepped into the light of the porch, and his heart soared. Renesmee was more beautiful than ever, with skin so milky and smooth his fingers could just skate across the surface. Her lips were fire-truck red against her smooth skin, thin and smiling. Her button nose looked just like Bella's used to, and she had high cheekbones like a supermodel's. Her hair was long, limp and chocolate brown, hanging down her back. Her arms and legs were long, elegant and bony, and she wore a gray dress with a navy blue shawl. She looked like an angel in the flesh.

"Nessie!" he exclaimed, hugging her as she chuckled beautifully. Still, he couldn't help wrinkling his nose when her distasteful-smelling hair tickled his nostrils.

He pulled away, still grinning.

"What brings you here?"

"Well, i just got in to the airport an hour ago and I came straight here," she said, clinging to his hands and swinging them back and forth. They felt lifeless and icy cold against Jacob's hot skin, almost like they would slip right out of his grasp. He tried to ignore it. "Dad can get mad at me later."

Jacob's face clouded over. "He sure as hell can," he mumbled under his breath.

Renesmee gave him a look. "I know you hate my dad. But try to keep it to yourself, okay?"

Jacob decided to skip right over that request. "So, why were you in such a hurry to arrive at my humble abode?" he said.

Nessie's facial expression changed. It got serious. "I'm just gonna cut straight to the point," she said. "I'm practically past seventeen, and I want to be with you."


	6. The One For Strong Willed Girls

**A/N: Final chapter. Please review!!**

Leah ran harder, faster than she ever had before. She'd always prided herself on being the fastest in the pack, but never before had she run so fast she thought she was going to burst. But in a good way. In a way like there was absolutely nothing in the world to think about except her feet, pounding into the earth and her heart racing, seeming to beat in time with the earth, with an inner pulse of nature only the fastest of the fast could access. She was in a never-ending moment of glory, and she was going to ride it out until she got where she needed to be.

But then she hit Washington. Her feet hadn't touched her home state's ground in what seemed like a century. So she had to slow down, just the tiniest bit, but even slowing down a millisecond caused thoughts of him, of Jacob, to come flying at her in a million different directions.

* * *

This was it. This was the moment Jacob had been waiting for his whole life; when a girl he loved would want him back. But now that it was actually unfolding, right before his eyes, he wanted to go back, back back back, and make it all stop.

And he wanted to. He wanted to stay so bad, with Renesmee and her perfect skin and red lips and stick-hin body and chocolate hair, but all he could see was her eyes. Her untouched eyes. And he hated them, hated them, hated them. How was she ever supposed to understand pain, his pain; how would she ever be deep, how could she ever be more than a beautiful, beautiful puppet?

But he had imprinted on her. They were supposed to be together. That's what an imprint meant, right?

Or did it? Did it mean something different? Would Nessie always just feel like a little sister that he loved desperately? Or would there be regret? Would he have this feeling like he had now, that he was in love with her?

He had imprinted on her. _Of course _he was in love with her. And yet, somewhere inside, he knew he was only in love with a fantasy.

And in his head, he could hear Leah's voice: "_Bella made a choice. And you know that she chose..._wrong."

* * *

Leah was here, in La Push, and she couldn't believe it. So many images and memories were whirring past her ears, like trash in the wind. She didn't care. She had a destination.

And yet that destination was not all about her father. That made her feel guilty, but it was true. It had something to do with Jacob, a lot to do with Jacob, with wanting to see him and not wanting to see him, with the sound of his voice and the absence of it, with hating him and loving him.

And Leah hated to admit it, but the loving outweighed the hating by far.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Nessie said, her face intent and concerned. A hurt expression appeared on her face. "Don't you want me?"

Jacob grabbed her arms, afraid of losing her. "Of course; no, of course I do!"

"Then what's stopping you?" she demanded exasperatedly. She touched her hand to his cheek and showed him a thousand images, a thousand different memories. And it hurt so much, because he wanted it so bad, so much, but something bigger than he'd ever expected was stopping him.

Nessie pulled her hand away and searched his face desperately, trying to find the reason he would not kiss her, right there, right then. She'd loved him too long, knew him too well, not to read him like an open book. Jacob wanted to hide his face, because he knew she would find it soon.

And she did. And her face clouded over. She looked angry, and hurt, and irritated, and just all-around upset.

"It's about _her_, isn't it," Renesmee said. It wasn't a question. "I remember that day, even though I was really little. That day you almost kissed her. It was one of the worst days of my life."

And Jacob thought it before he could stop himself: _If that's the worst day of your life, then we definitely have a mountain of differences._

"Nessie," he began, trying to explain himself. And he realized that it _was _a decision, it was a choice, and he'd already made it, years ago when he almost kissed Leah and that smell started to get to him again. That was what she did to him. She brought him back. She made him real. Nessie was a drug, a fantasy, an airy feeling. But Leah was _real, _as real as anyone on this entire earth could be. "I love her," he finished simply. It was the best explanation he had, best for explaining that he had not made the same mistake Bella had, that he had chosen, and he was sorry, but he had not chosen her.

"Is it her boobs?" Nessie asked, which took him so by surprise he almost laughed, which would've been completely inappropriate. Then Nessie's face softened, became sadder, and he reached out for her again. "Why _her _over me?" she asked, so sad it pained Jacob. "Don't you want me?" she repeated. But then he realized (and shit, he had been doing a lot of realizing) that her whole life, he'd been trying to protect her from anything that could touch her, and now, only he, all along, could hurt her.

But besides. It would be good for her. To hurt just a little bit.

"You don't know how tempted I am to stay here," Jacob said, his voice cracking. "But it's Leah that I need to live my life with; Leah that I need to grow old with; Leah that I need to love. As something _real_...that I want. As something that I chose for myself."

* * *

Leah stood at her father's grave, naked and exposed. Luckily it was dark, so no one could see her scrambling to get the clothes she'd managed to tie to her ankle. She slipped into the tiny cotton shorts and tank top, all the while her eyes not leaving her father's name on the gravestone.

**_Harold Clearwater_**

_A devoted policeman, talented fisher, and loving husband and father_

Leah sighed. Things had been different when her daddy was alive. Back then, even after Sam imprinted, he was always there to take her into his lap while she cried, smelling that Dad smell of cologne and pen ink and hard work. Her dad was always there to offer to beat up Sam for her, and she'd always laugh and slap his arm lightly. Things were different when Leah was best friends with Jacob's older sister, Rachel, and when she had Emily practically as her sister.

Then everyone changed. Sam imprinted on Emily, Rachel went off to college, then later Paul imprinted on her...but her Dad was always the same.

Leah remembered a quote from _Grease_, from one girl to another: "_The only man a girl can really depend on is her Daddy._" She remembered when she'd told her father, and he'd said, "_Don't you ever forget it_."

Leah remembered five years in a pack with Jacob and Seth, and every year on March 8th Jacob would try to get her to go visit Harry's grave with him, but she never would. She was afraid she would cry in front of him, which would create a deeper connection than she could handle.

But Jacob always visited. Jacob visited her father's grave and she didn't.

Leah picked some wildflowers--it was the best she could do at the moment. It was strange to think that something so beautiful was born from so much death, nourished by a thousand decaying bodies. Leah shivered, though it was not from the cold.

She lay the flowers on her daddy's grave, crying quietly. This was too much. It was time to go. Time to return to her crazy, spontaneous, forever-running life, before someone saw her. Too bad she hadn't gotten to say goodbye to Kenzie. She'd rather liked her.

Leah was always running. And she didn't know--and never would know--what she was running from.

It was time to leave.

* * *

Jacob held onto Renesmee a moment longer while she cried, but he suddenly had this restless feeling, almost like an itch in his brain. Like he _had _to find her, right this very second.

Like she was close.

"Nessie, I have to leave," he said softly, and started down the steps.

"No!" she suddenly yelled, grabbing his arm. She was, not surprisingly, _very _strong. "You can't."

Jacob felt, for some crazy reason, that Leah was close, that he was running out of time, and he was starting to get impatient. "_Ness_," he said lovingly "we don't belong together."

"Yes, we do!" she screamed. "You imprinted on me, remember?"

"We're from two different worlds," he said. "And that just doesn't work!"

"Yes, it does!" she cried. "Look at my parents!"

Jacob cringed. "Yes, look at them now," he said. "They're stuck. Forever." Prying her fingers from his arm, he continued, "and though they may not realize it, they are. We both deserve a _life_, Nessie, and we can't have it with each other."

That was when it was finally time to let go, and Jacob ran.

Because he knew where she was.

* * *

Leah was nearly ten feet from her father's grave when she heard her name called from behind her by a familiar voice. She closed her eyes and her stomach churned. She turned around to see Jacob standing right in front of her.

And seeing him there, leah suddenly felt exhausted. All that running had finally gotten to her, and not just tonight, but her entire life. She was sick of it, but this feeling of...resignation was not entirely unpleasant. It was as if all the fight had left her system and now her brain just wanted to find somewhere quiet and warm and safe and happy to rest. And it wasn't like she was going to be some timid and meek creature; she was still Leah fucking Clearwater; she was still sassy and rough around the edges, but the bitch (figurative bitch, that is) inside her was just too tired to stick around anymore. The bitch was leaving, and she could feel it happening. She was just too damn tired to put up a front anymore. She was just too damn tired.

"What do you want, Jacob?" she asked, sighing.

He reached for her arms, and held them steadily.

"You," he answered assuredly, his black eyes boring into hers with a fire. Not a hating fire, but something else.

Her heart was racing, her head spinning. She felt like she'd been here before, only now something had shifted, changed, not necessarily for the worse.

"Jacob," she whispered, "we've had this conversation before." She didn't say it meanly, just softly, and...expectantly. Like she was waiting for him to say something not-so-unpleasant back to her.

"I know," he replied, unfazed, "but I've changed. I talked to Nessie, and I've...I've chosen." He grinned, and it was Bella's ecstatic grin, but somewhere growing inside Leah she felt like maybe _she _was starting to get a partial claim on it. "And I bet you'll never guess who," he said, and then he started to lean toward her.

Leah looked at his face coming toward her, like it had years ago. Only now things were different. She was allowed to kiss him back without hurting herself. And sure, they had a lot of issues to work out, but she didn't have to worry about that just yet; she could just kiss him.

Yet Leah knew she had to do something first. She could not be like Bella, who forgave Edward for leaving so quickly it was sickening for strong-willed girls across the country. So grinning, she reached her hand back and bitch-slapped him across the face, as hard as she could.

"OW!" he yelled, stumbling backward. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You hurt me," she answered simply, "now I've hurt you. We're even." She waited for his _ows _to subside, then asked, "Can we make out now?"

"If the left side of my face isn't too numb."

"Oh, come on," she said teasingly, while simultaneously wrapping her arms around his neck. "That's not what you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say, '_Of course, my only love_,' all throatily."

"Do you want me to?"

"Fuck no."

"Then let's get to it."

_There is no triumph without trial_. Huh, Leah thought, as she devoured Jacob's face. _It looks like I'm finally getting my happily ever after_, she added as she hoisted her legs around his waist and he began to carry her deep, deep into the forest.

..._Werewolf style_.

**A/N: The end! I hope you liked it! Please review because it would make me oh so happy! I appreciate constructive criticism, but no flames, please. thanks!**


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